existence has me so weirded out lately. i feel disconnected from the modes of existence, which human beings have seemingly been brain drained into living by. By modes of existence i am speaking about how we exist. we exist through what we watch on tv. we exist through the interaction we have with other people. we exist through what we buy. we exist through language. we exist through technologies that connect us in a virtual space.  our existence is marked by how we identify as well. we identify in multiple ways; gender, sexual orientation, personality/character, style, career, to name a few. i guess i may feel weirded out because im constantly thinking about well why is it this way instead of that way, questioning the actual appeal and the attraction we have for the things we have and want for materials, other people, and spirituality. i wish my brain would quit questioning and asking why things are the way they are and just merely accept that the world and everything in it exists without intention and just is. i want to shake this notion of having to identify the reason for everything that exists. once I begin to identify the reason for the existence of particular things i find myself entering a dangerous mindset. there is no real purpose for anything that does exist or at least that is what it feels like. if there is no real purpose for anything here, well then how can i define myself as an individual? and if i cant define myself as an individual, is there any opportunity of identifying the meaning of this life here on earth?metaphorically i feel like i am continuously running head first into a plexy glass dome; on the inside of this dome lies all the answers ill ever need but my impact isnt strong enough to penetrate this wall. since i cant figure out any of the answers at this time, ill just stay over here angsty as fuck.